Listening to My Soul

Dear Allison

This is your soul speaking.

We haven’t connected in a long time.

I want to let you know I’m still here. But I’m buried deep.  You’re going to need me in your new endeavour and I’m really excited about that.  However, I’ll be honest.  I’m worn out right now. Can we talk for a while and get to know each other again?  And can we slow down a bit? 

This is what my soul has been saying to me for the last 8 years.  Yes, 8 years.  It’s been crying out and I’ve not always heard it.

It’s not like I haven’t worked on myself.  Mind-set work I’ve done plenty. Body love I’ve tried that too. But focusing on my soul, where true love and the wisdom of humanity resides.  That’s new to me.  It’s where I’ve been intentionally journeying.  And, I’ve discovered so many things.  We really are wonderfully made and if we can choose to explore a little we may be pleasantly surprised at what we’ll find.

But first

Is it safe to be honest?

Is it safe to share this?

Is it safe to let you in?

I’m hurting right now. I don’t like it. It consumes me, like a thief who robs the day from under my feet. I need to function. People are relying on me. I’m the leader. I need to pull myself together. Pain is coming on top of an already fragile soul. So my capacity to process it is impaired. I barely have a fraction of 1% left, so I ‘talk myself through it’ and carry on as best I can.  This will pass. Come on you can do this. Just put one foot in front of the other.

Day after day this is the life I walk.

I acknowledge my weariness and want to excavate it but doing so competes with the weight of responsibility.

It’s too much though.  Restoration of the foundation is needed. Only a solid place will do. But to get to the foundation I have to knock things down, take them apart, dismantle them.  It’s hard work.  Some of the structures have been there a LONG time. They stubbornly refuse to budge. I have to tread carefully because removing them also leaves me wide open. I’m exposed and have no place to hide.

But this soul work work is necessary because I’m not building a superficial thing, I’m creating eternity.